Category: Cathenge Mythos

Saga of the Lyran Space Cats

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Lyran Cat Priestesses in Service to the Orb of Holofelinity

Upon Lemewria an order of Cat Priestesses arose that specifically exercised ritual power over the Orb of Holofelinity. This occult female order was comprised of both Felis and Panthera type Lyrans, and therefore represented a unification of differing strata of Lemewrian Society. However, its activities were largely secret, and much of the powerful esoteric knowledge of the Cat Priestesshood of Pussiopolis never escaped the destruction of Lemewria. Just as the Orb of Holofelinity came in shards to Planet Earth, so to did the Teachings of Holofelinity, preserved carefully by the surviving Cat Priestesses who resettled as extraterrestrial refugees upon the wild Earth. Upon this planet they were much more than mere priestesses and were like unto goddesses, and it is from this lineage that the tradition of Cat Goddesses of Ancient Egypt – Bastet, Sekhmet, Tefnut, etc. – derives. The Cat Priestesses had a central role in the creation of humankind. Initially, Homo Sapiens were engineered to be a pro-wrestler species, general entertainer and erotic plaything to the Lyran Cat Lords who rapidly succumbed to intermarriage with mankind resulting not only with the familiar tale of cosmic retribution for a miscegenation of divinity, but also in the elevation of human consciousness with an inkling of the profound power of Holofelinity.

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The Orb of Holofelinity upon the Catopian Planet of Lemewria

Upon long lost Lemewria the Lyrans dwelt in a “Catopia” of perfect feline harmony under the Law of Holofelinity, “Universal Cat Consciousness”. Lemewria was at once an idyllic microcosmos of all that a respectable peace-loving feline citizen of the Catopian planet-state of perfect cat love could hope for, as well as an uncompromising wilderness filled with unpredictable natural phenomena (and replete with succulent prey for the dominant race of feline apex predators to pursue and consume!). Lemewria was a realm of architectural wonders – cat trees and scratching posts of enormous size and architectural grandeur (and much more!). At the center of all of these wonders was a sacred globe – the “Orb of Holofelinity” which was not only a mystical shrine reverenced by all Lyrans of Lemewria, but was also a functioning power generator that resonated and magnified the collective consciousness of the Lyrans. Through the power of Holofelinity, Universal Cat Consciousness, the cats were able to lead their ideal lives. Many chose to live more in a dream world than in physical reality and would spend their time floating on balls of rice, basically being – not just pretending – but being sushi. This pastime was facilitated by a rare element, “Pizzazium”, which facilitated these polymorphic “transcommodifications”. Ultimately, it was the reliance on Pizzazium that precipitated the downfall of the Lyrans and the total destruction of their beautiful home planet at the hands of the Disco Reptilians. Yet it is believed that when they fled Lemewria the Lyrans preserved with them fragments of the Orb of Holofelinity that had been shattered in the apocalyptic conflagration. These fragments still retained significant power, and it was through the use of the Shards of Holofelinity that the Lyran Space Cats built the antediluvian civilization of Catlantis upon Earth.

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Eternal Enemies! Cats vs. Lizards!!

Felines and Reptiles: Forever foes throughout space and time. Two great space races descended from the stars. The Lyrans call their home the pole star, Vega, in the constellation of Lyra. The Disco Reptilians call their home the pole star, Alpha Draconis (aka; “Thuban”), in the constellation Draco. The reptilians are intrepid wanderers setting forth from their remote dwelling within the star Thuban. Their physical composition has no vulnerability to heat and so it is possible for them to live within a blazing star. Their actual weakness is love, a power which they cannot accept. If love is given to a Disco Reptilian unconditionally then they are forced to transform and become a completely non-physical entity which serves love and only love without limit. Yet, it is precisely this strategy that few beings, let alone races of beings, have the power to realize. When faced with powerful enemies possessed with an uncompromising and unreasoning lust for destruction few can find it within themselves to return such treatment with love and compassion. Thus, countless extraterrestrial peoples and their great civilizations throughout the galaxy have succumbed to the destructive whims of the Disco Reptilians. Ultimately, however, this was the triumph of the Lyran Space Cats upon Earth when they had their final confrontation with the Disco Reptilians: The Lyrans chose love, pure love, and the Disco Reptilians were forced to ascend to the higher realm of the angels.

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Moving Monolithic Stones with the Power of Holofelinity

Our beloved housecats, “Felis Catus”, are descended (just as we are) from the mighty Lyran Space Cats, our benevolent overlords and creators from the distant antediluvian past. Yet, unlike humankind, the cats retain much more of the awesome magical power of mind known as “Holofelinity” which enabled not only epic journeys through deep space, but also the building of monuments of extraordinary precision and grace as well as vastness of scale. On remote islands in the North Sea, seemingly “feral” cats can sometimes be seen in the early morning or at twilight’s gloaming to levitate gargantuan stones into position – giving an insight into such mysterious monuments as Stonehenge and Newgrange upon the British Isles.

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Sushinium – the Pizzazium Gateway Drug

These images show cats indulging in the disassociative feline bliss of holofelinity known as “Transcommodification”. Lyran Cat society was divided chiefly into two castes; a clerical or priestly class known as “Felis” and a warrior or engineer class known as “Panthera”. These castes were equal but different and both were required for the smooth functioning of the Catopia that thrived on ancient Lemewria. However, it is a sad historical fact that it was the Felis caste of cats, with their love of cerebral metaphysics and altered states of consciousness, that became addicted to transcommodifying themselves. First it begins with “Sushinium” (a light recreational transcommodifying agent) and the cats start turning into sushi, then it progresses to hot dogs, and finally – in the most severe stages of the addiction – pizza itself (the worst!). The states of transcommodification are facilitated by a rare element known as “Pizzazium”, which is, for all practical purposes an addictive drug – one with often irreversible effects.

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Destruction of Lemewria and Escape to Earth

Lyran Space Cats in their ultimately powerful form as elite laser battle kittens flee their exploding planet, “Lemewria”, a satellite of the pole star Vega approximately 52000 BCE. Using their powerful laser focus, the Lyran Space Cats, identified nearby Planet Earth, only 25 light years away, as a suitable candidate to establish a new home for Lyran Cat Civilization. Riding upon an electromagnetic standing wave, an exodus of furry little kittens made their way across the galaxy and settled upon the primeval earth to establish their great Cat Civilization in exile, “Catlantis”.

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Pizzazium – The Undoing of Lemewria

“Pizzazium” is only a mere approximation of this mysterious missing element, this lost philosopher’s stone, this wonder drug of the cat civilization of Lemewria that once orbited Vega the pole star. Some scholars refer to the conflict between Disco-Reptilians and the Lyran Space Cats as the “Pizzazium Wars” not only due to the amount of style and glamour with which this long fought battle was waged on both sides, but because the essential conflict was over this precious substance, “Pizzazium.” Presumably, the last supplies of this powerful psychoactive element were lost in the destruction of Lemewria apprx. 100,000 BCE. Before this, Lyran Space Cats gradually became addicted to “Transcommodification” – a kind of disassociative polymorphism that was found a relaxing and supremely pleasurable feline pastime which led to widespread epidemic of addiction to becoming – ultimately and for lack of a better description – pizza. Yes, pizza . . .

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Awesome and Destructive Power of the Disco Reptilians

Disco Reptilians, both the males and the females of the ancient race, enjoy destruction for its own sake. As we cannot blame a predator for being a predator, so why should not these cold-blooded extraterrestrials enjoy the suffering they inflict upon all? For them destruction is sexy – a glamorous dance of pleasure. They hunt the galaxy seeking the weak and the decadent civilizations that have grown too fragile and exotic to defend themselves against the thumping onslaught of groovy party reptiloids. Thrashing their tails and gnashing their teeth in time to a frantically funky syncopation of whirling asteroids and exploding technicolor planetoids in scintillating orbit around their colossal Motherships, the Disco Reptilians transform entire solar systems into charnel yet flashy nightclubs of doom as they demolish once mighty and advanced civilizations and crush to smithereens entire planets and swallow whole their moons.

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Lyran Cat Lords vs. Disco Reptilians (Eternal Conflict!!!)

The planet Lemewria, the ancestral home of the Lyran Space Cats, located in the constellation of Lyra, orbiting the pole star Vega, was the center of Cat Civilization informed by the power of Holofelinity, “Universal Cat Consciousness”, that prioritized mind over matter. Eventually the ascendency of the spiritual over matter led to a decadence and decline in Feline Civilization on Lemewria that so weakened the once noble space cat race that they were susceptible to attack by “Disco Reptilians”. Thus began the Disco-Lyran Wars that raged for 100,00 years!

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CATLANTIS!!! (Introductory Comments + Map)

Location of Lost Continent, “Catlantis”. A beautiful ice world of advanced space cat civilization based on principles of Holofelinity established by the refugee Lyran Cat Lords who settled on Earth an estimated 100000 years BCE (Before deluge of Yonger Dryass at end of last Ice Age). Note that the continent is a work of “Vernacular Geology” – Catlantis distinctly evokes an upside down cathead when viewed from outer space.